In 1994 I was a junior in high school and starting to really figure out who I was a person. It was the year I started what would be a 7 year smoking habit. I think I had always been one of those really good kids through my upbringing that was smart enough to question things I saw, but not daring enough to challenge things I disagreed with. During my junior year I moved into 3rd year German class, which was held in conjunction with 4th year German because the classes were so small. In this German class were a number of friends I had in high school, as well as some folks that I always considered "different" then me. I was not in the high school band, but the majority of my friends were, and in this German class were a group of band kids that I did not usually hang out with. They rode skateboards, smoked pot, and generally had a free spirit and casualness about school and life in general.
Through the year I got to know this crew better and one of them especially, Ben, who was a senior. We used to spend a lot of time hanging out and talking about music (he introduced me to the Violent Femmes, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Lou Reed, and the John Spencer Blues Explosion), current politics, and just who we were in the world. The deep stuff ya know! Anyway, I still remember the day that I was at Ben's house and after some discussions he told me that there were some books I needed to read. He took me up to his room and put two books in my hands that would fundamentally help change me. The first book was "A Clockwork Orange" by Anthony Burgess. I got this book because we had been talking about the movie version that I had recently seen. The second book he gave me was "Bluebeard" by Kurt Vonnegut. He gave me the warning, "This book will make you want to chain smoke", and he was right. I had never read a book written like "Bluebeard" was, it was cynical, yet optimistic, descriptive and rich. It is hard to explain, but it was a book that helped a part of me to wake up. A part of me that would start to question and seek out answers on my own on a variety of things.
Another thing that I learned from Ben was the amazing value of the library, and after my first taste of Vonnegut I hungrily went back for more and read many of his works: "Slaughterhouse Five", "Cat's Cradle", "Welcome to the Monkey House", "Galapagus", and "Breakfast of Champions". Part of the appeal of many of the books was the pseudo-science fiction they contained. They were also funny and entertaining, and revealed so much of the author in the process. Each one of those books has a place in my heart for the wonderful tales and emotions they stirred up in me.
Seeing that Vonnegut had passed away this morning was like a punch in the gut. You hate to lose those that have clearly made such an impact on you, and in ways that are so hard to describe. Some of the comments I have seen reflect back a piece of Vonnegut's words in "Slaughterhouse Five" by saying that he did not really die, he just became "unstuck in time".
I leave you with some of my favorite Vonnegut quotes, both from text and from life:
Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.
People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.
1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
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